My broken heater

My trusty heater of 4 weeks,
crumbled under heat, I couldn't fix
it, and now my room is cold,
miserable, and freezing fourfold

The heater was working fine
all along, no sinister sign
that it would just cease
to provide that warm and comfort
that I so dearly miss

One unexpected evening, under the starry sky
the heater had decided, by and by
it was weary, and could give no more
the wonderful warmth from its metal core.

Puzzled, I stared intently at it
in my heart I pondered, bit by bit
why in the world would the heater stop
and cause the temperature in my room to drop!

Frost crept slowly into my room (and heart)
as I opened the heater part by part
I peered, I screwed, I tried my best
but this was a really challenging test

After some time, I came to realise
that the hours I had spent would not suffice
I was tired, exhausted and pained,
'cause all my efforts were in vain

The world still spins, life still goes on
Despite me being all forlorn
I really wish it would be easier
to bid farewell to my dear heater

I can't be clingy and linger on
wasting time from dusk to dawn
So much to accomplish, so little time
that standing still would, indeed, be a crime!

Falling

falling,
who's there to catch me?
drowning,
in the bitter salty sea
tumbling,
into the endless abyss
bleak as can be.

Like the phantom that haunts the night
I'm the pretender that walks daylight
Like the patient who lies to the doctor
harbouring an MI
seething with angina
yet smiling at the physician
behind a veil of lies
which hides my sorry soul
that all so often cries
out in silent agony
so afraid, so tired, so cold.

Happiness...

I don't really know what happiness is anymore.

Life is drifting past ever so quickly, I've forgotten what it's like to be happy or excited about something.

I need to rediscover myself and find out what makes me happy, what makes me excited, and what motivates me.

Today, at church, someone said that we are truly happy not when we have what we want, but when we want what we have.

Sometimes, we don't fully appreciate those little things in our lives that we take for granted, that so many other people out there don't even have.

We find ourselves trying to be happy by wanting so many things, and trying our best to achieve them, when actually, what we already have is more than sufficient to make us ever so happy.

True Happiness isn't a euphoric state of mind, it's an attitude to life.

Presenting....

*drum roll*


The first mouse on Mars!!






















Our cool new bus driver!

Dreams

That night he wandered blissfully into whimsical dreamland..

We were there wandering around this huge maze of corridors, with no idea of where we were going. We talked, we chatted, and we laughed. For once I felt truly happy again. Just knowing you were there beside me made me feel complete. As we roamed around the yellow-washed corridors, we chanced upon a room with so several shelves. Curiously, we opened and peered into the shelves, to discover various items lying in storage. You sat on one of the shelves, and pulled me towards you. I leaned forward to hold you, to kiss you, feeling so secure in your arms. I miss you so, so much.

He awoke suddenly, choking on the bitter taste of reality.

Reality sucks.

X Men 3 !

I went to watch X Men 3: The last stand today at the cinemas at 12:10am!! (Thanks Lam for the tickets!) The action was amazing, but it didn't do justice to the characters! There was no character development, and so many major Xmen died, to provide a conclusion to the trilogy I presume.

And Rogue lost her powers!! All for some guy!! That is such a cheesy turn in the story! If that guy doesn't love you, then why bother to sacrifice so much for him? Who gives a damn, you're better off without him anyway. You can come with me! Yeah, Anna Paquin is sooo hot!! heh :p

Anyway I thought the Phoenix would play a larger role in the story, instead of merely killing off all our well-liked characters! The phoenix was guardian force of the M'Kraan crystal, which held the power to destroy the universe. Inhibiting Jean's body to defend the crystal during the galatic war of the Sh'iaar Empire, the phoenix boosted her powers tremendously. After the war, the phoenix turned evil, because it tasted human emotion and desire, and brought it to the extreme, destroying everything around her in pure passion and rage. Dark Phoenix nearly killed her fellow Xmen, and the Jean Grey within her realised she was a danger to the people around her, so she sacrificed her life on the moon, and the phoenix force, now emerging from Jean's broken body, was once again free from the influences of human emotion, and resurrected Jean Grey. Rebirth.


As the phoenix is consumed by searing fire,
blazing in the scorching pyre,
it is reborned from within the very embers and ashes,
gleaming with renewed passion and desire.

Being a friend

What does being a friend mean? To me, being a friend means how much of myself, my time, my energy, I'm willing to sacrifice for a friend, and how much I care for him or her. To me, a friendship is about what I can do for the friend, and not what they can do for me. I don't really expect anything out of friends, because if I make friends based on their value or worth, the friendship will be really fake. If they do support me in my darkest times, then I'm fortunate to have them as friends =)

Adelaide Rankings

Entertainment Announcement: Danielle just beat Kudnarto as the hottest girl in South Australia! Working as a Supre promotions manager at Rundle Mall, she's rated highly on the coolness scale. But Kudnarto may win after all, due to high exposure times! (I see her 3times a week!!)

Ok here're the final scores*:
Danielle: 9.95
Kudnarto: 9.93

Hot Hot Hot!!

*Subjected to change depending on the judge's moods.

The blind man at church...

I went to church last Sunday (Million Paws Day!!), and sitting at the pew just in front of me was this average looking man gently patting the milky coat of a large dog who was sitting affectionately at his feet. He wore a pair of dark shades, and was staring intently at the altar in front. After communion, on his way back, I noticed he walked straight past his pew, following his dog obediently. Just then, the people near him quickly rushed forward and tugged his sleeve, patiently ushering him back to his seat.

This just reminds me of the blind man in the bible, the one who called out to Jesus for help. Jesus lay his hands on his eyes, and told him that he could see again, thanks to his faith. Even though the blind man at church was physically blind, God gave him vision to see the goodness in the people around him, who are willing to help him in any way they can, be it his family, his friends, or just mere strangers on the street.
Sometimes, when we're burdened with our own problems, instead of drowning in sorrows and self-pity, we should take a step back, and see God's Grace in it all, notice how He sends us help to accompany the challenges and trials He sets for us.
So instead of wasting our time analysing how much suffering life has dished out for us, we might as well look around us and see how many people around us are actually bearing worse sufferings than us. We should pick ourselves up, let these people know that we've been there and know how horrible it is to suffer, and spend our time and energy helping them out of their sufferings and letting them know that we'll be there to support them whenever they need it.

That's much more productive than enduring heart-wrenching moments in the silence when you wonder why life had to turn out this way and how unfair it had been. Because it wasn't all that fair to others anyway.

Million Paws Day!!

Down at Elder Park along the Torrens River was the Million Paws event today! Hundreds of people came to walk their dogs on the footpath along the Torrens river bank.














It was spectacular to watch hundreds of adorable dogs trottling obediently beside the people, occassionally barking and racing around playfully. The graceful Shetlands and Collies were prancing about, while the Shitzus looked so cute! There were a few Huskys around, as well as Cocker Spaniels, Terriers, Malteses, and one fierce looking Rottweiler! Scary! Was really reminded of my own dog at home, ah miss him so much!



Aww, he looks tired!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANIS!

Happy Birthday, my dear sister (psst she's the one in the middle!)!! Heard about your surprise party, and all your celebrations! I'm really happy you have so many good friends who plan this kinda stuff for you!! Take care, and miss you and Dino super lots!

CPR Day!

I had a full day course at the SA St John's Centre at Unley today, learning about First Aid and CPR. It was really cool, how the paramedic who was teaching us shared with us his experiences about accidents and emergencies, and how he had to evacute them and perform First Aid, like this guy whose car just smashed right into a huge tree trunk, and was in a state of shock.

The class was a little boring, but it was pretty interesting to imagine all the different A&E situations I could face in the future, really adrenaline pumping =) I may try to join the St John's Ambulance service next semester when I have more time, it'll be a great way to be happy and to make friends! muhaha.

And the Melbourne skiing planning is going quite well, my friend just agreed to let me stay over! Whee. Just gotta finalise the skiing details and dates and all. Am trying to be excited about it!!

So what?

Oh wells, this meant something once, but not anymore. Wanted to write it up, but didn't get about to doing it till now.


So what means...

So what means my shoulder's always there for you to cry on when you were sad, hearing you pour out all your fears, sadness, insecurities.

So what means I'll always hug you when you need it, and pat you gently, assuring you that everything will be alright.

So what means sitting with you in the silence when you're tearing, wiping away your tears, drying your face with my shirt, and holding you close to my heart.

So what means laughing with you about silly jokes, funny things we see on the streets, talking endlessly about how entertained we were by them.

So what means telling you ridiculously lame jokes and dancing and flying around to cheer you up whenever you were stressed or depressed.

So what means jumping around together excitedly whenever we had something wonderful to look forward to.

So what means giving you a loving back massage whenever you're tired, no matter how tired I am.

So what means being there always, even if you were moody, in a bad mood, or were angry with me.

So what means that I'll always say sorry and admit it's my fault, no matter whose it is.

So what means I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music (I do!), let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, always giving you a nice big hug to cheer you up, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

July Hols!!

I'm thinking of going skiing during the winter holidays, maybe in Victoria or New South Wales! Would have had company at first though. But now, since most of my friends here will be flying home, or have things to do, I'm opening the invitation to anyone who wants to join me! Do tell me soon so we can start planning!

Ooohh, skiing, that'll be so amazingly fun! I've seen my cousins' States skiing photos and videos, and the whole experience just looks awesome.


...I read about your broken friendship, and how eager you are to repair it. Am just wondering if you are interested in repairing ours. I've been really confused - I still am. I know I don't want it to end up like your broken friendship (whatever the details are). You don't seem too eager to repair ours though. I'll try to work at it, but if you're not willing, then we'll just leave it at there...

Nicole

During the labour contractions, I had a chance to talk to the midwife, Nicole. She was the one who patiently explained all the procedures that they carried out during labour, and even helped me Scrub in for the C section. She's tall, slender and really pretty. She was a registered midwife, who graduated from her 3 year course last December. Jessica (Sue-Anne's sister) asked her what her inspiration was for being a midwife, and she said she did a paper on it for English in Year 12, and really found interest in pregnancy and delivery. However, she did Law in Uni-Adelaide for a year, and didn't like it, so she changed to studying midwifery instead.

I was quite shocked, that someone who was studying law, would give up a future as a laywer, and become a midwife at a hospital instead (no offense to the profession, I think all professions are great!). Are her parents supportive? Does she see any prospect in her occupation? I guess my surprise at this stems from the Singaporean culture and way of thinking, and how they sometimes rank professions according to viability and how much you can earn, instead of placing emphasis on doing what you enjoy and are interested in.

It's pretty sad how sometimes, people in Singapore allow their lives to be directed by the 'Singaporean' culture and way of thinking, studying and doing what society tells them has the most financial potential, instead of following their hearts. They allow themselves to be limited by reality, being boxed up by so many factors like financial situation, parent's attitudes and so on, that they don't dare to pursue their dreams. To them, dreams are at the other end of impossible, because it requires them to be different from others, to actually step out of social norm, to achieve their heart's desires.

Sometimes, they believe that dreams will tie them down, because by daring to dream, they are stopping themselves from achieving other, more practical dreams. They think that daring to dream is actually fencing them in, and are willing to settle for other aims which are far less difficult to achieve, and much more practical.

"Why not, since it's already there, within my grasp, why not make it my dream, and convince myself I'm happy with it. After all, if I'm happy, I won't need other dreams to make me happy."

There's nothing wrong with that train of thought, after all, if you're happy, that's all that matters. I'm just reminded of how Singaporean and Aussie culture defer from each other.

Dare to Dream.

The (7-hour) Aleck Saga

OH MY GOODNESS!!

At 11pm Sunday night, my pregnant woman's partner calls me and tells me she's in labour. After calling my mum and wishing her happy mothers day (Yep, it's mothers day :p Did you forget it? Heh, quick go wish your mum!!), I hurriedly donned on my T-shirt, jeans and jacket, and rushed down to the Women's and Children's.

When I reached there, Sue-Anne was just in the middle of her contractions. They started about 8 hours ago, but she didn't get to the hospital until night time. The clock ticked past, as I sat there, listening to her mum and sis talk crap to pass the time. During the wait, midwife Nicole was busy monitering the fetal heartbeat and contractions strength, and was nice enough to explain what they were doing, with the vaginal examination to check for cervical dilation and all. Her cervix was at 9cm then.

During the wait, I got to watch this procedure in which they pushed a tube up the vagina to prick the fetus' head slightly, and take a small sample of blood to test for its acidity, ensuring that the fetus is not under undue stress.

After 5 long hours, they decided that the fetus was in the wrong position for delivery, because during that time, cervical dilation was good, at 9cm, and contractions were regular and strong. They quickly opted for a Ceserean, and let me scrub in for the operation!!

WHOOOO HOOOOO

I was thought how to wear theatre dress, wash hands, wear operating gown and gloves, and within no time, was at the operating table beside Dr Roberts. He was really kind, and explained step by step as he started to slice the skin of her abdomen, cut through the rectal sheath, rectus abdominus, the peritonium, before reaching the amniotic sac. Blood was squirting each time he made a new incision. He cut the sac in one smooth slice, and the midwife quickly used a vaccum machine to suck up the amniotic fluid that gushed out instantly. He then made a small cut across the uterus, and there was the fetus!!!

WHEEE!!

He even let me cut the umbilical cord!!! WWWOWWW!!!

He removed the placenta, and then deftly stitched up the uterus, the peritonium, the muscle layers, and then the skin, and before I knew it, the operation was over.
I followed the newborn to take his blood sugar levels, and he was then presented to the family, who fawned over him with absolute delight!
He was a boy, and the couple had decided to name him Aleck.

Superbly wonderful and amazing experience. Wow. Went home at 7 plus in the morning, was exhausted after the nightly vigil. Wow.

A Love That Will Last..

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears do fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die

So call me romantic
Oh i guess that must be so
Theres something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last (Forever)
I want a love that will last

I don't want distant memories,
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die
So there's little more that I need

I wanna share all the air you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last

(A Love That Will Last: Renee Olstead)

Dreamland

I wish I could run away,
and come back to reality another day.
The pain never ceases,
there're no cool breezes,
to grant me respite on my journey today.

I wish I could run far far away.

There was a place I once called home,
where I felt my heart belonged.
My world of childhood fairy tales,
living in a fancy fantasy song.

I sang, I danced, I wandered far,
(In my mind)
around my dreamy reverie,
(I did find)
so captivated in my paradise,
(I was blind)
and all the wonders I could see.

I played, I stayed, and then I paid (for it),
entranced by such deception,
it still lingers on,
the scar from my illusion.

Such young fascination...

Ice Age 2!

Whee, watched Ice Age2 last Tuesday and ate pizza after that. Haha, wonderful evening, and lots of cute Scrat action in the movie! Haha, especially the one where he entered acorn heaven. Pretty funny.

Yesterday evening went to this Steamboat Buffet place along Hindley street, and ate so much I nearly exploded! It was quite nice, with Moses telling us his "boomerang" jokes, and Eugene educating the girls on 'Corpus Copulatoris', the part of the male brain that filters clean-ness out of clean thoughts. Was really funny.

Today really made my day! Went for yoga this afternoon, and was thought abit of meditation and the Salutations of the Sun sequence. Am excited about the meditation concept, cos everytime my mind wanders and I start feeling sad, I'll try to meditate and take slow breaths to clear my head. Am hoping it'll work.
Late afternoon, went to the Adelaide Rock Climbing gym with Myintzu, Tah Wee, Lee Ping, and met this guy Yong En there. I realise to rock climb, it takes nearly all your muscles, including your abdominal ones, to help you, not just your triceps or biceps. Am really amazed with the grace and agility Myintzu had when she was climbing. Thanks for bringing us there Myintzu! Had alot of fun, and am hoping to bring more people there too, so we can have rock climbing outings.

Jazz Night

I went for jazz night last Friday evening at Club199 along North Terrace, and the atmosphere was amazing! It was superb for relaxing and chilling out!
Was there with Myintzu, Tau Wee (her hostel friend) and Tak Shek (his cousin), Debby, Maybelline, Fang, Kristin and Leny.

We were chatting about gossipy stuff amongst the Singaporeans, discussing about Debby's birthday party (which was the next day, Sat!!), and just plain chilling out. Had a fantastic time there. I even played Ballade Pour Adeline (the Richard Clayderman song) on the Yamaha Grand there, and dedicated it to Debby and Maybelline, cos their birthdays were last week and this week.

Haha, on a side note, it was so wonderful to play on a piano again, especially a Yamaha GRAND!! Whoo!! Hehe, my Casio Privia is lovely, but still, nothing can beat a real piano. (muhaha, especially a grand! :p Really miss my baby-grand at home!) The feel and touch of this ivory keys is pure ecstasy!

It's not fair!!

It's not fair!! Why?? Why???
Haha, I've been asking who knows those questions the past few weeks. I've asked God, and I think He's pretty sick of me asking so many "Why"s. He probably answered me so many times, it's just that I was too stubborn, or too deaf, to listen.

I know I should think maturely, should handle this whole thing like an adult. I'm not a child after all, and crying over spilt milk won't bring it back. (hee, just gotta look for other cows now :p)
But it's not fair, why do I have to go through this?? and ALONE??!? I've put in so much effort, so much of myself into it, gave so much patience, so much care, so much love into it all. Why am I getting this in return?? WHY???? I HATE THIS. I HATE YOU.

Somehow, I can imagine God telling me, "there people around you who are suffering worse torments than you, how is that fair to them?? Some of them are even born with their sufferings, and yet, here you are sitting and whining about this trivial challenge I gave you, obliviously blind to their plights!"

My dad told me too, part of the healing process is to help others in their sufferings, share in their burdens, and help them heal as well. In that way, we actually realise how fortune we've been all along, instead of just focusing on the bad things that's happening to us.
Hmm, haven't really been helping, listening, or supporting anyone lately. Maybe I should start.

I know I have to face this challenge, and pull myself through it. It's just so tough, so much easier said than done. I laughed, when Mingwei said yesterday, "Yes, it's easier said than done. But still, it must be said, then done."

Tough, tough. I'm told I will come out of this stronger than before. But I dunno if I'll even come out of it alive.

Multi-Cultural Week

Last week's multicultural week was really busy, having to cook Nasi Lemak at Debby's house till 3am, having to pack Honeydew Sago, clean pots, help de-feather and clean and deep fry chicken wings, and so much more!! REally tiring week, but it was rewarding to see people enjoying the food, and was fun trying to jio all our friends to come try the food we prepared at the stall. WE made stuff like Laksa, Nasi Lemak, Pulut Hitam, Gula Melaka, Honeydew Sago dessert and more! Yum yum.

Was quite glad for the busy-ness, it gave me some relief from reality. At least for those few days, I stopped hurting for awhile.

After that, it's back to reality, back to hurting, back to picking up the pieces of my life. What a mess.

Back-dating

Haha, sorry for so many backdated events, just been abit too busy to actually write about them on time.
This is me playing the organ at the Church of the Holy Name. Been doing it for a few weeks now, and am quite happy I can provide the people there with music.
The picture above is Leny and me. Leny!!!
And the one with all the dishes was taken on our Popiah-Hot&Sour-Soup-Pork-Dumplings-Day during the holidays! We made Popiah, Hot and Sour Soup (at this point, Grace will say --Ya Huh--), and dumplings! Haha, and I learnt how to cook them! Yay, will make them for mum and sis if I go back this July.

Jamie's Birthday!

Happy Birthday Jamie!!
Jamie's birthday was on the 11th of April, Tuesday. She celebrated it with her friends in the evening, and at night, Eugene, Debby and me drove over to her place to surprise her happy birthday!! I gave her one of my precious Snoopys for her birthday as well!

That Saturday, we held a surprise party for her at Matsuri, this Jap restaurant near Chinatown. I had to pretend to ask her out for dinner, then lead her to Matsuri, where the others were waiting.
We took a nice walk around Victoria Square, and were talking about life, friendships, relationships, and all. Really deep.
Matsuri was this really fancy restaurant, which looked authentically Japanese, with their bamboo plants, and kimonos hung up on display. We all ordered dishes (I had Teriyaki chicken!), and there was free flow rice. We ate so much rice, that they had to cook while we were eating! Really gluttony.


Happy Birthday again Jamie! Hope you enjoyed it!